Circle Jokes / Recent Jokes

A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. "No problem," says the mathematician, "there is a simple equation for that," and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, "What is that symbol?" "That is the Greek letter pi." "What is pi?" "That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle." Upon this the shoeseller cries out: "What does a circle have to do with shoes?!"

After pulling a farmer over for speeding, a state trooper started to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying that the farmer didn`t know any better and trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. He finally started writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head.The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?"The trooper paused to take another swat and said, "Well, yes, if that`s what they are. I`ve never heard of circle flies."The farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop. "Circle flies are common on farms. They`re called circle flies because you almost always find them circling the back end of a horse."The trooper continues writing for a moment, then says," Hey, are you trying to call me a horse`s behind?""Oh no, officer." The farmer replies. "I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that.""That`s a good more...

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections ----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name of Candidate: _______________________

2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail: _______________________
(ii) Cell Number: _______________________

3. Political Party: _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)

4. Sex: [ ]
A - Male
B - Female
C - Mayawati

5. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian

6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from more...

A priest, rabbi and televangelist were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections. Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to God.
The rabbi explains: "I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. Whatever lands outside the circle, I give to God."
The priest then adds: "I use a similar method, except that whatever lands in the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs."
The televangelist then proclaims: "I also use the same method. Except, that I toss the money in the air and I figure that whatever God wants, he can take."

Two Guys are getting charged with drug dealing. In court the Judge tells both of em, "I will give you two the weekend to go out there and convince as much people as you can to quit drugs forever. The Two Men go "Ok" They come back on Monday and the first drug dealer goes "This weekend I got 10 people to quit drugs forever. The Judge Replies "How did you do that?" He Goes "I drew a small circle and a big circle, and i pointed to the small circle and said this is your brain on drugs"....Then the second drug dealer goes "Oh yeah, This weekend I got 100 people to quit drugs forever". The Judge says surprised. "Holy shit how did you do that?"..The second drug dealer goes..."I did the same thing, I drew a big circle and a small circle but I pointed to the small circle and said this is your asshole before prison.

A blonde driving a brand new car pulled up at an empty gas store to fill it up. After she paid for the gas and was walking out a man stopped her and drew a circle in the dirt around her feet. He told her if she stepped out of the circle he would kill her. He got a bat and started smashing the hood in. When he looked over at her she was laughing. So he broke the windows. He looked back over at her and she was still laughing. Then he set the car on fire and the blonde was still laughing so he went over to her and demanded why she was laughing when her new car was on fire. She told him "Every time you turned around to hit the car... I stepped out of the circle!"

A polish guy wins a brand new sports car in a contest. He drives around all the time waving at the rednecks. One day the rednecks stop him, they draw a circle in the dirt and say "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your ass." They pick up hammers and start busting up his new car. They look back and the is smiling. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing. They walk over to him and ask "Why are you laughing, we just busted up your car." He says "I know, but I stepped out of the circle 9 times."