Civil Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Ten civil servants standing in a line,
One of them was downsized - then there were nine.
Nine civil servants who must negotiate,
One joined the union - then there were eight.
Eight civil servants thought they were in heaven,
'Til one of them was redeployed - then there were seven.
Seven civil servants, their jobs as safe as bricks,
But one was reclassified - then there were six.
Six civil servants trying to survive,
One of them was privatized - then there were five.
Five civil servants ready to give more,
But one golden handshake reduced them to four.
Four civil servants full of loyalty,
Their jobs were all advertised - then there were three.
Three civil servants under review,
One left on secondment - then there were two.
Two civil servants coping on the run,
One went on stress leave - then there was one.
The last civil servant agreed to relocate,
Replaced by 10 consultants at twice the hourly rate.

US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.After fifteen minutes speaking he says: 'I will now answer anyquestions you have.' Bobby stands up and says: 'I have four questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Just then the bell goes and the kids rushed out to play. Upon returning, Mr Ashcroft said: "I am sorry we were interrupted. I will answer any questions you have.' A little girl called Julie stands upand says: 'I have six questions':1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven't you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why are you using the American Patriot Act to limit civil liberties? 4. Where are the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? 5. Why did the bell ring twenty minutes early? 6. Where is Bobby?

A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites. “Here, ” he points out at one spot, “is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees.
Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's
another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers. ”
A tourist says, “Didn't the North ever win a battle? ”
“Yes, ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus. ”

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog, "Apothecary", could do better yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a hitch. All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then stroll ed over and ate the cookies, drank the more...

Q. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
A. Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"