Claus Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says,?"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"
A dumb blonde a smart blonde and Santa Claus jump off of a bridge, who makes the bigger splash?
The dumb blonde because the others don't exist.
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't
(appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the
workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an
average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One
presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the
rotation of the earth, assuming more...
There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop. There was NOTHING going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were about more...
Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.
Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle.
Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.
Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Snowflakes.
- Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? -? ?? - Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't exist.
Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus.
Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.
Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it " soots " him!
Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A: Pour Santa flush on him.
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true. . . Comet cleans sinks!
Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.
Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A: Because every buck is dear to him.
Q: How come you never hear more...