Cliff Jokes / Recent Jokes

My friend invented Cliff's Notes. When I asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, "Well, first I... I just... well, to make a long story short... "

There was a dumb blonde, a brunette and a red head and they had to jump off a magical cliff. When they jumped off they had to say what they wanted to land in.
So first the brunette goes and jumps, While she jumps she yells GOLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! Then she lands in gold. Then the red head goes up, jumps off and yells SILVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
and she lands in silver! Then the dumb blonde goes and jumps off and yells WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

why did three blondes jump off a cliff?
they wanted to see if there maxie-pads really had wings!!!

A boy's parents were very mad at him, so he wanted to jump of a cliff. He got to the cliff, and before he jumped, he saw a very attractive girl crying. Wondering what's wrong, he walks to the girl.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"My parents are mad at me, so I'm going to jump off this cliff," said the girl.
"Hey, that's what I'm doing to," replied the boy. "You want to have sex before we jump?"
She agrees, and after a long sex the boy asks, "Why are your parents mad at you?"
She replies, "For wearing girl's clothes."

Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."

The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead more...

A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff. Full of fear, he assessed his situation.
He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death. Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!" But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail.
Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"
A deep yet serene voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."
"Who is it?"
"It's God."
"Can you help me?"
"Yes, I can help."
"Please help me then!"
"Let yourself go."
Looking around the man became full of panic. "What?!?!"
"Let yourself go. I will catch you."
"Uh... more...