Clinic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying
like anything. So the other asked, " Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, " I came here for blood test." Second one asked,
"So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."
hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked the other, " Why are you crying?"
Then the other one replied, "I have come for my urine test."

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a sign board for him & put it above his clinic entrance.
Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself.
One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist into the 3 words. His new sign read
Psycho-
the-
rapist.

A doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
"Art, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."
"Yes, sir!" answers Art.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Artie, how was your day?"
Art told him that he had just of three patients. "The first one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX."
"Well done, mate; and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL, sir," says Art.
"Spot on! You're good at this; and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Quick as a flash, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreads her legs and more...

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.

There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.

1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

2) We're on a mission from God.

3) People on' ludes should not drive.

4) This house is clean.

5) Shall we play a game?

6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.

8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.

11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...

There were these 400 pound brothers. One of them lost a lot of weight. The other one asked How did you lose all that weight? The skinny brother said I went to a weight loss clinic. The fat brother asked what weight clinic he went to. The skinny brother told him and said Dont do 100 pounds.
The next day the fat brother went to the weight loss clinic. The man asked him how much weight he wanted to lose. The brother said 50 pounds. He was put in a room with a beautiful woman. She said if you catch me you can have sex with me. They ran around and he eventually caught her and had sex with her. He went home and weighed himself. It worked and he wanted to go back.
He went back and did 95 pounds. He was put in a room with the hottest woman he has ever seen. She says if you catch me you can have sex with me. They run around and he eventually catches her. Once again he loses the weight.
The next day he goes back and decides to do 100 pounds. Are you sure? asked the clerk. The man more...

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastro-enteritis specialist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,' HE'S GOING TO STICK A 17, 000 FEET LONG TUBE UP YOUR BEHIND!'*
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called' MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of our enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my more...