Closed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says, 'Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?' She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty mad. 'Where the heck have you been?!?! 'Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking woman there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her. ''Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!' She sees his hands are covered with more...

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3 AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"
She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty mad.
"Where the heck have you been?!?!"
"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking woman there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
''Oh yeah? Let me more...

What does the sign on the whore house say, after they have closed for the day?
We're Closed, Beat It!

? WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
? WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
? WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
? WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
? WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
? WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
? WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
? WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
? WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
? WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
? WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
? WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
? WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
? WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
? WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
? WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our more...

•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
•WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
•WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our more...

TWO friends were sitting together in a crowded bus. One noticed that the other's eyes were closed, and asked him if he was feeling ill.
'I'm all right,' the friend answered with his eyes still closed.' I just hate to see so many ladies standing!'

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise more...