Clubhouse Jokes

A golfer was having such a terrible day one day that he couldn't help but take it out on his caddy. "You're terrible!" he screamed. "When we get back to the clubhouse, I'm going to see that you get fired!"
"That's okay by me," the caddy replied calmly. "By the time we get back to the clubhouse, I'll be old enough to get a regular job!"

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

My wife said to me, "Frank, it's about time that you learned to play golf - You know, golf. That's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So, I went to see Red Miller and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?"

I said, "Yes, but sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."

"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow." he said, "And we will tee off."

"What's tea off?" I asked.

He said, "It's a golf term and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse."

"Not at a bar somewhere?"
"No, no," he said. "A tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger."

"Yeah, I've got one of those."

"Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of more...

Old man Woodruff loved golf, but his age was making it increasingly difficult for him to play. He complained to the clubhouse man about his eyesight.
"I can't play with my glasses on because they keep falling off," he said. "And I'm too darn nearsighted to play without them."
"Why don't you play with Hughes?" the clubhouse man suggested.
"Him?" Woodruff scoffed. "He's ninety-eight if he's a day, and he can't get around without a wheelchair!"
"True," said the clubhouse man, "but he's farsighted."
So the next day, Woodruff and Hughes played together. Woodruff took a tremendous swing and hit the ball well. "Boy, that felt good!" he exclaimed. "Did you see it?" he asked Hughes.
"Yes," the very old man replied.
"Where did it go?"
"I can't remember," Hughes sighed.

A young woman dressed in shorts had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help... and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee," she said
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said," Then your stance is too wide."