Kindly Jokes

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out.' What's the matter?' she asked.' It's my birthday!' he hollered.' And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards.. . ' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard.' But that's lovely,' said the old lady.' Why are you crying?'' Because I'm lost!'

A NEWLY-employed villager was very weak in English. Once he asked his more educated neighbour to draft an application asking for casual leave for a day as he was down with fever.
The neighbour dictated the application in the following words: "Respected Sir-As I am suffering from fever, I may kindly be granted casual leave for today only."
He kept a copy of his application for subsequent use. Later, on the eve of his sister's marriage, he wrote an application on his own. It read as follows: "Respected Sir-As I am suffering from my sister's marriage tomorrow, kindly grant me casual leave for the next two days."

The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War.

BIGGEST MAN… The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent to a Richmond Prison where a Confederate entrepreneur put him on exhibit. Even Confederate President Jeff Davis came to see him and was astounded when the impish Van Buskirk claimed that back home in Bloomington Indiana, “when I was at the train station with my company, my six sisters came to say goodbye. As I was standing there, with my company, they all came up to me, leaned down and kissed me on top of the head. ”

LETTER HOME… A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day. After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she more...

A newly-employed villager was very weak in English. Once he asked his more educated neighbour to draft an application asking for casual leave for a day as he was down with fever.
The neighbour dictated the application in the following words: "Respected Sir - As I am suffering from fever, I may kindly be granted casual leave for today."
He kept a copy of this application for subsequent use. Later, on the eve of his sister's marriage, he wrote an application on his own. It read as follows: "Respected Sir -As I am suffering from my sister's marriage tomorrow, kindly grant me casual leave for the next two days."