Comedian Jokes / Recent Jokes
Do you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not deja vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none of this has ever happened before-George Carlin
The other night my girlfriend and I are watching Seinfeld, and the episode happens to be The Gymnast. Then comes that one line where the gymnast tells Jerry of what she'd heard about comedians and their supposed...legendary sexual prowess. Ultimately she tells Jerry: "You may tell jokes, Mr. Seinfeld, but you are no comedian."
I turn to my girlfriend: "So, uh...am I a comedian?"
Her response: "Honey, if you never told another joke in your life, you'd still be the greatest comedian I've ever known."
Ladies, I hope you were taking notes. Because that is how you get your man to take out the trash.
The IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.-Conan O'Brien
The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money-Jay Leno
At school, a teacher puts up a question on the board every Friday. Whoever gets it correct, gets to go home early, and stay home till Monday. The teacher puts up questions so hard, that the kids can't answer it.
One day a kid went home, took 2 golf balls, spray-painted it black, put it in a brown bag and went to school. Before the teacher put up the question the boy rolled the 2 golf balls to the front of the room.
The teacher saw it, and asked, "
Who's the comedian with the black balls?"
The kidd stood up, and said, "
Bill Cosby!"
And he went home for the day.
Have you ever seen Pop Idol? One point it was held at an esso gas station.This irishman came on to do a song. He stoodnext to the diesel pump, lit the place up and it exploded.He started singing "I'm Still Standing"!
The teacher in Little Johnny's class decided to make a deal with her class. Every Friday at the end of the day, she'll ask them a question and whoever answers it can get a three-day weekend. Well for a couple of weeks, The teacher asked outrageous questions like "How many stars are there in the sky?" or "how many grains of sand are there on the beach?" Of course they're impossible.
But Johnny got desperate to get that three-day weekend. So, on Thursday night, he took two ping-pong balls and colored them black and put them in a paper bag.
Next day when the time came for the question,soon as the teacher said, "It's time for the question of the week!"
He emptied the bag and the ping pong balls rolled to the front of the room. Since they are third graders, they snickered and all, then the teacher said, "Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls??"
Little Johnny sprange up and yell, "Bill Cosby! See you on Tuesday!"