Commander Jokes / Recent Jokes

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson’s Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: “Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself. ”
“By shooting? ” reasked the company commander, “Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible. ”
When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: “This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle. ”
Little grandson asked: “Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid? ”
“I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep. ”

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.
So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.
The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note.
The note said, "I missed!"

A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:

"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley`s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."

EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:

"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley`s Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."

COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:

"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley`s Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in more...

A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."

(and I thought it was hard to write down verbal humor... I'll give it
a try though.)
This was a one panel cartoon in "Aboriginal Science Fiction."
On the bridge of a flying saucer, flying over the Earth:
An alien soldier and his commander.
Soldier to commander:
"Well, now that we've captured their king they'll have to surrender!"
Behind them, bound and gagged:
Elvis.

Pat and mic are in the army and the commander asks wat pats name is, he says "
pat"
after that the commander says run round the site 15 times so he does it and returns, the commander again asks pat what his name is and he says "
pat"
, the commander tells him to run round the site again 15 times so he does it and returns.The commander once again asks his name and he says "
pat"
, the commander says "
we in the army use our full names"
so pat says "
patrick"
.The commander moves on to Mic and the commander asks his name and he says "
mictrick"
.

Soldier to commander: sir, we are surrounded by the enemies on all the sides commander: that's good we can attack from all the
Sides