Commandment Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following comes from a Catholic elementary school.
Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i. e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)
In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the more...
The 11th commandment is: "Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris!" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
When Chuck Norris goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it more...
The following statements are said to have been written by actual children and, as far as we know, are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected (i.e. bad spelling has been left in):
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...
Last week a very important meeting took place among God, the Pope, and Moses. They were troubled because the President of the United States was behaving in an inappropriate manner. They decided that the only course of action was to create an 11th Commandment. But the problem remained, exactly how to word this new commandment so that it matched the other commandments in style and holy inspiration.
After great meditation and discussion, they finally got it right...
''THOU SHALT NOT COMFORT THY ROD WITH THY STAFF.''
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her class of 6 year olds.
After she explained the Commandment, 'honor thy father and thy mother', she asked, "Boys and girls, is there a Commandment that teaches all of us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without hesitating, Billy stood up and answered, "Thou shalt not kill!"
This is the little-known tale of how God came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked. "Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied God. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way. That would ruin our weekends."So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?" "Well," said God, "it's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL." The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?" God said, "They're free." The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!"