Commandments Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rush Limbaugh announced the following on his TV show, June 29. It was reprinted in the July 1, {Washington [DC] Times}. He stated that with all the attacks on the "religious right" by the liberals, it was time to find out what their agenda was, so without further delay, here is
The 14 Commandments of the Religious Left (in no particular order):
Thou shalt have no other God except thyself, after all, it's thy self-esteem that counts. If thou doth not love thyself, who will?
Thou shalt not make any gravn image out of any substances which cannot be recycled.
Thou shalt not take the name of liberals in criticism, including feminists, racial minorities, or any person who thinks he is a victim of America.
Remember the anniversaries of {Roe v. Wade} and Anita Hill's testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and keep them holy.
Honor thy mother. If she's dysfunctional, it's thy father's fault.
Thou shalt not kill. With these exceptions: life forms more...
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Rather than purchasing a new one, he decided he would go to church and steal one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on the Ten Commandments.
After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously and said, "I want to thank you for saving my soul today, preacher. I came to church to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided against it."
"You mean the Commandment, Thou shall not steal, changed your mind?" the preacher asked.
"No, the one about adultery did," the old man said. "As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left my old hat."
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat.
Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one
out of the vestibule.
When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a
pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten
Commandments."
After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his
hand vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my
soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon
on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."
Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your
mind?"
Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I
remember where I left my old hat!"
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favourite hat. Instead
of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the
vestibule.
When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door, and took him to a pew
where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on the ten commandments.
After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand
vigorously, and told him, "I want to thank you, preacher, for saving my soul
today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the ten
commandments, I decided against it."
The preacher said, "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your
mind?"
The old man replied, "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that,
I remembered where I left my old hat!"
The Hat An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment' I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"
My favorite mail today was a long, white business envelope marked "Personal" in red, addressed to "Resident."
Putting the Ten Commandments in public schools would be great, if the kids in public schools could just read.
Putting the Ten Commandments in schools will stop violence just like "Just Say No" stopped drug use.
Wouldn't it be nice to have a self-cleaning refrigerator? We have the next best thing in our house; two teen age boys!
In 10 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap?
My dog wants to know who was the person of questionable intelligence who determined humans would eat three times a day while a dog would only eat once.
Was the weather as bad and as frightening before the invention of Doppler radar?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
To all the critics of the Phantom Menace: You have just turned to the dark side of the Force. Guess what? It IS supposed to be a kids movie. Get a more...
An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying anew one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of thevestibule. When hegot there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pewwhere he had to sitand listen to the entiresermon on "The Ten Commandments." Afterchurch, the man metthe preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, andtold him "I want tothank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steala hat and afterhearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."Preacher: "You mean the commandment I shall not steal changed yourmind?"Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"