Commit Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
“How did this happen? ” the doctor asked.
“Well I was trying to commit suicide, ” the blonde replied.
“Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger? ”
“No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6, 000 for these, ’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4, 000 to get my teeth fixed. ’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise, ’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger. ”
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building. I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that`s how it`s done."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - -Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. - -William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - -Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - -Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - -Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. - -AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. - -G. K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. - -Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. - -Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. - more...
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off." How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied." Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, "I just paid $6, 000 for these," then I put it in my mouth and I thought, "I just paid $4, 000 to get my teeth straightened." So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, "this is going to make a loud noise," so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?"
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6, 000. 00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "And then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000. 00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "And then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."