Companion Jokes / Recent Jokes
God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have
companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to
see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg."Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"
Staggering into his apartment, the bibber deposited himself in his bed and fell asleep. A half hour later he was awakened by a knock on the door. Wearily he struggled out of bed and, stumbling over almost every piece of furniture in the room, made his way to the door and opened it. Standing there was his drinking companion of an hour before.
"Gee, I'm sorry I woke you up, Joe," said the companion.
"Oh, that's all right," said Joe. "I had to answer the door anyway."
An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her it would be a wonderful companion. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!" Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church. The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the following Sunday. Once again, just more...
A woman had grown tired of living alone and decided she would like to have a companion to share her home with. She placed an ad in the newspaper outlining her requirements. What she wanted was a man who: 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, 3) was good in bed.
A couple of days later, she heard her doorbell. When she answered it, she saw before her a man in a wheelchair who had no arms and no legs.
"Hello," said the man. "I'm here regarding your ad in the newspaper. As you can plainly see, I have no arms so I could never beat you and I have no legs so I could never run away from you."
"Yes, I see that, but are you any good in bed?" she asked.
"Lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell!" he replied.
It is reported that the following part of the Book of Genesis was discovered in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If authentic, it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"
And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have more...
And Adam said,' 'Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me.''
And God said,' 'No problem! I will create a companion for you that will bewith you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself.''
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said,' 'But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.''
And God said,' 'No problem! Because I have created this new more...
Your wife will probably hit the ceiling when you get home tonight," said the bar fly to his drinking companion. "Yeah," said the companion. "She's a lousy shot!"