Complaints Jokes / Recent Jokes

Festivity Level One
Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
Festivity Level Two
Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
Festivity Level Three
Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
Festivity Level Four
Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing.
Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three. The true test more...

Banta was carrying two babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
Banta, giving the lady an angry look, replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked, "Which is a boy and which is a girl?"
Banta looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
Banta replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company!"

A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train.
Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the man,
"Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?"
The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company.

These are genuine extracts from letters and complaints received by the the Northern Gas Board. Complaints regarding placing of appliances and meters etc.
Can you move the meter so it won't cause an obstruction in my passage.
The electric man did it through the floorboards, but your man put it in my front passage where everyone could see it.
I don't like it as much in my kitchen as I did in the shop window.
Since you put a new pipe from the mains to our house, my husband and I dread going to bed because of slight discharge, we think there is a leak just after it enters.
I told my husband it was safe to leave it in all night, but he won't, if he comes to the showroom can the lady satisfy him behind the counter and talk him out of it.
I was told mine was no good but if it is altered I can get the North Sea in.
I have heard that there are two ways you can have it, and it worked out cheaper the more you got if you have it the other way.
I'm not more...

Why are complaints of married people like the noise of the waves on the shore?
Because they are murmurs of the tied.

Why are complaints of married people like the noise of the waves on the shore? Because they are murmurs of the tied.

A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a
train.
Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the
man,"Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know."
The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?"
The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are
you?"
The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman
and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."