Comrade Jokes / Recent Jokes

Leonid Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts:
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
The whole hall perked up - "what did he say?" Brezhnev tried again...
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again:
"Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife." No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.' 'I think it's raining'', he said to his wife.

' 'No, that felt more like snow to me'', she replied.

' 'No, I'm sure it was just rain'', he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a communist party official walking toward them.

' 'Let's not fight about it'', the man said,' 'Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing''.

As the official approached, the man said,' 'Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?''

' 'It's raining, of course'', he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted:' 'I know that felt like snow!''

To which the man quietly replied:' 'Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear''

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?"

"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China."

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1. 5 billion. How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key.

For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every more...

At the War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?"
"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general.
"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.
"The likelihood is that it will be China."
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?"
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."
"But sir," asks the panicky officer, more...

Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khruschev to his bedside. Wheezing his
last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "Comrade, the reins
of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you
some advice."
"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Khruschev.
Reaching under his pillow, Stalin produces two envelopes marked 1 and 2.
"Take these letters," he tells Khruschev. "Keep them safely-don't open
them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open
the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after
that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a
gasp Stalin breathed his last.
Well, Khruschev succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things
started going badly-unemployment increased, crops failed, people became
restless. Nikita decided it was time to open the first letter. All more...

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells
the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems
and the resulting strategies.
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question,
"Will we have to fight a World War Three?"
"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general.
"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.
"The likelihood is that it will be China."
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade
General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1. 5 billion.
How can we possibly win?"
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is
not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the
Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews
have been the winners every more...