"A Soviet Man of Letters" joke
Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khruschev to his bedside. Wheezing his
last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "Comrade, the reins
of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you
some advice."
"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Khruschev.
Reaching under his pillow, Stalin produces two envelopes marked 1 and 2.
"Take these letters," he tells Khruschev. "Keep them safely-don't open
them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open
the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after
that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a
gasp Stalin breathed his last.
Well, Khruschev succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things
started going badly-unemployment increased, crops failed, people became
restless. Nikita decided it was time to open the first letter. All it said
was: "Blame everything on me!" So Khruschev launched a massive deStalinization
campaign, and blamed Josef for all the excesses and purges and ills of the
present system, and bought himself some time that way.
But things continued on the downslide-Kennedy successfully rebuffed Soviet
missiles in Cuba, unemployment increased even more, crops failed even more,
the Politburo was unhappy with Khruschev's leadership and upstarts like
Brezhnev and Gromyko were threatening his credibility. So finally, after
much deliberation, Nikita opened the second letter.
All it said was: "Write two letters."
Lenin is dying, and talking things over with Stalin, his
successor.
"The one worry I have," says Lenin, "is this: will the people
follow you? What do you think, comrade Stalin?"
"They will," says Stalin, "they surely more...
It seems that once upon a time Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev were all
traveling together on this train from Moscow to Vladivostok when,
at one point, the engines stuttered and the train came grinding to a halt.
Two hours later, nothing more had happened; the train more...
Stalin is addressing the people. He announces:
Comrades, I have here a telegram from Trotsky. He states, "You were right and I was wrong. You are the true heir to Lenin. I should apologize."
From the front row a (comrade) tailor rises and calls, "Comrade more...
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin?
A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.