Nikita Jokes

There is a man in a hospital that thinks he will die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish.
"Nurse," he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Krustchov." (you know a President of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head).
"Nikita Krustchov? But he is dead for a long time," says the nurse.
"I don't care. I want to kiss his head," the man says. "This is my last wish!"
The nurse doesn't know what to do. Then she thinks of something. As the man did not wear his glasses, the nurse takes out of her bra her beautiful breast and offers it to the man. He holds it, caresses it, and is very moved.
"Oh my dear Nikita, my old friend! How happy I am to see you again!" he says.
He keeps kissing the breast. The begins enjoying the whole situation.
"What about kissing president Eisenhower's head?" she asks.
"Yes! Is he here too?" the man more...

Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khruschev to his bedside. Wheezing his
last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "Comrade, the reins
of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you
some advice."
"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Khruschev.
Reaching under his pillow, Stalin produces two envelopes marked 1 and 2.
"Take these letters," he tells Khruschev. "Keep them safely-don't open
them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open
the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after
that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a
gasp Stalin breathed his last.
Well, Khruschev succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things
started going badly-unemployment increased, crops failed, people became
restless. Nikita decided it was time to open the first letter. All more...