Confession Jokes / Recent Jokes
O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
"Honey, I have a confession to make," a guy told his bride. "I'm a golf nut. You'll never see me on weekends during golf season."
"Well, dear," she murmured. "I have a confession to make too. I'm a hooker."
"No big deal," replied the groom. "Just keep your head down and your left arm straight!"
My Uncle Charles, who's 89 years of age, goes to a Catholic church and goes to confession.
He says, Father, I'm 89 years old and I'm having an affair with a 25 year old girl.
The Priest asks him how long since his last confession.
Charles says I've never been to confession, I'm Jewish.
The Priest says, so why are you telling me this?
Charles says "I'm telling everyone."
An elderly man bursts into a priest`s study and says, " I`ve got to tell you this. I`m 90 years old and for the seventy years I`ve been married I never cheated on my wife. Then this sweet thing moved in next door and since then --wow!" "How long has it been since your last Confession? " asks the priest. "I`ve never been to Confession. I`m Jewish" "Then why are you telling me this?" "I`m telling everyone!"
A hooker goes to confession.
Hooker: father, father i have sinned, i've been a hooker for 20 years what can i do to be saved?.
The priest asks her to remove her clothes and lay down on the floor.
The hooker says, how does this resolve my sins?.
The priest starts f****** her.
Priest: the holy pole is in your hole, now wiggle your ass and save your soul!
O'Mally hurried to church one morning to see his priest. "Father," he said excitedly, "I made love ten times last night!"
"O'Mally, I'm surprised at you," the priest replied sternly. "Is the woman married?"
"Oh yes, Father, she's my wife."
"But you don't have to come to confession if you make love to your wife."
"I know-but I just had to tell somebody."