Consider Jokes / Recent Jokes

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has
recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under
the Government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant
through the first five years of her marriage may request a service of a
proxy father, a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's
problem by impregnating the wife.
The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is
due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I am off. The Government
man should be here soon." Moments later a salesperson rings the bell......
Ms. Smith: "Good morning"
Salesman: "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to....."
Ms. Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you"
Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies,
especially twins"
Ms. Smith: "That's what more...

You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair.
You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.
You can't wait for the Saturday night square dance.

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out? A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.Q. What happens if I press both shift keys? A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuationA. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your spiritual advisor. Perhaps more...

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

You consider your annual bath one too many.
You wore a baseball cap to the opera.
If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald's playhouse.