Constipation Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had. The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!"The nun said "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers "She has the constipation." The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled he goes over to them and says "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

A nun walks into a liquor store and asks to buy a fifth of whiskey. She says it's for Mother Superior's constipation, so the owner says ok. She buys the booze and leaves. Two hours later, the owner closes store and walks through the park on his way home. As he's walking, he spots the same nun sitting on a park bench, roaring drunk. "Shame on you, Sister", he says, "I thought that whiskey was for Mother Superior's constipation." "It is," she slurrs. "When she sees me, she'll crap!"

Banta, a construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
Banta leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a bat, CRACK, CRACK, CRACK..., and then sends him into the bathroom.
Banta comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation ?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

Banta's wife Preeto went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," Preeto replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," Preeto answered, "I take a newspaper."

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o'the brandy."
Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, " I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"
"Oh Jack, she responded, it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped, "It helps her constipation, you know." So Jack sold her the brandy.
Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine? And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering.
Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! and you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"
Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied, "And so it is, me more...

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o'the brandy."Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, " I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!""Oh Jack, she responded, it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped, "It helps her constipation, you know." So Jack sold her the brandy.Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine? And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering.Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! and you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied, "And so it is, me lad, so it is...When she more...

A Bama Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," the grad said, "Shoving them up my ass!"