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Two guys are driving around town when the driver goes right through a red light.
"Hey, you just ran a red light!" the passenger shouts nervously.
"Take it easy! My brother does it all the time," the driver replies calmly.
They continue on their way and the driver runs another red light.
"You just ran another red light. You're going to get the both of us killed!" screams the passenger, now white as a ghost.
"Relax! My brother does it all the time," the driver says.
As they continue on and are nearing another intersection where the light is green, the driver suddenly hits the brakes and comes to a sudden stop.
Totally confused, the passenger moans, "The light is green, so why are you stopping?"
"Because my brother might be coming!" replies the driver.
PRESS RELEASE
Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to buy the Philadelphia Mint from the United States government. Final details of the transaction were hammered out in an all night bargaining session which included President Bill Clinton representing the US, and four unnamed chorus girls. An obviously fatigued and smiling Clinton emerged from the meeting and stated that he saw no chance that there would be opposition from anyone within the government. In an effort to appease regulators, Microsoft gave a copy of Windows NT and a box of paper clips to Novell.
Microsoft said it intends to print money in direct competition with the US Government. Microsoft chairman, Bill Gates, declared, "The Government has no vision and we intend to eventually take over all operations." The official announcement was made by Microsoft spokesman, Brad Silverberg, who showed reporters an alpha version of the currency Microsoft will release next year. The currency, called simply more...
Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a more...
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, already." The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate an attorney and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, all right!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!"
The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatalcheck-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..."What was that?", the other two ask, curiously." Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, pattingher stomach affectionately. Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes abottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.." What was that?", the other two enquire"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" andshe pats her stomach affectionately. All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting... 5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes abottle of pills from her handbag and takes one.." What was that?" more...