Contractor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!". In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!". The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling' green side up'?". "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given.
"This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the owner said. "Last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."
The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given.
"This is five hundred rupees less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you five hundred rupees, and you never complained."
The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."

A cheating painting contractor has been skimping by thinning his paint excessively. Nevertheless, he lands a big job painting a church. He's almost done when a major storm comes up. It washes all the paint off. Midst the thunder and lightening, a loud voice is heard, REPAINT, and REPAINT, THIN NO MORE!

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.
At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences re-done. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?"
So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.
First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some calculations and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, more...

The Miami Herald

The Minutemen border-patrol group has hired a contractor to finish building 10 miles of fence along the Mexican border. Construction began on May 27, when 150 volunteers turned out for the groundbreaking. Though the number of volunteers has recently dwindled to as few as four, the contractor says, “Not to worry-as soon as I get one or two of those lazy families of 15 jumping the border, I’m gonna hire ‘em.”