Conversions Jokes / Recent Jokes

Handy Metric to English system conversions and units
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameterEskimo Pi
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital1 I.V. League
2000 pounds of Chinese soupWon Ton
0.000001 cc. mouthwash1 microscope
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrierMach Turtle
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hourknot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer1 lite year 16.5 feet in the
Twilight Zone1 Rod Serling
0.5 large intestine1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches1 megahertz
1,000 murderers on a chaingang1 kilohertz
Weight an evangelist carries with God1 billigram
Basic unit of laryngitis1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokesa straight line
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement1 bananosecond
1/2 bath1 demijohn
Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", the first step more...

We Americans (defined as residents of the USA) frequently have problems with metric conversions. In an attempt to clarify the conversion process I now submit some "Useful Metric Conversions."
1 million microphones1 megaphone
2000 mockingbirdstwo kilomockingbirds
10 cards1 decacards
1 millionth of a fish1 microfiche
453.6 graham crackers1 pound cake
1 trillion pins1 terrapin
10 rations1 decoration
100 rations1 C-ration
10 millipedes1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents1 decadent
2 monograms1 diagram
8 nickels2 paradigms
2 wharves1 paradox
I hope this proves a useful tool.
"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles."
- US Senator Jesse Helms

For those trying to figure out how to convert Standard to Metric, here are a few more conversions to consider:

*Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:
Eskimo Pi.

*2,000 pounds of Chinese soup:
Won ton.

*Speed of a tortoise breaking
the sound barrier:
Mach turtle.

*16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone:
1 Rod Sterling

*Half of a large intestine:
semicolon.

*1 million aches:
1 megahurtz.

*Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:
a bananosecond.

*2 wharves:
1 paradox.

*2,000 mockingbirds:
two kilomockingbirds.

*Basic unit of laryngitis:
1 hoarsepower