Cop Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Woman Called The Police Station And Said, “Hello, I Believe You Found A Man’s Body In The River
Yesterday And He Hasn’t Been Identified Yet. ”
“That’s True, Madam – The Policeman Replied. – Why Are You Asking? ”
“My Husband Disappeared Yesterday After Having A Bad Argument With Me And I Haven’t Seen Him
Since. I Wondered If It Could Be Him, ” Cried The Lady.
“Can You Tell Me Anything About Your Husband Which Could Help Us To Identify The Body? ” Asked The
Policeman.
“Yes, Sure – Answered The Lady, - He’s Cross-Eyed And Has A Strong Scottish Accent. ”

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What in the world am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car.

"I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull-over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"On your more...

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

A Suspicious Looking Man Was Stopped By A Policeman, Who Opened The Trunk Of His Car And Found
Five Sacks In It.
“What’s In The Sacks? ” Asked The Policeman.
“Dirt” The Man Answered.
The Policeman Checked Them And They Contained Nothing But Dirt. So He Was Allowed To Go.
A Week Later The Policeman Saw The Same Man. He Stopped Him Again, Checked The Trunk Of His Car
And Again Found Nothing But Dirt.
The Same Thing Happened Several Times. The Policeman Was So Frustrated That He Quit And Became A
Bartender.
One Night The Suspicious-Looking Man Entered His Bar And The Former Policeman Hurried Over To Him
And Said, “Listen, The Drinks Are On The House Tonight If You Tell Me What You Were Stealing All That
Time. ”
The Man Laughed And Answered, “Cars. ”

Bob, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn't you know it, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 35?"
"SIXTY-SEVEN mph, son!" 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer" replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never more...

Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the rooflights on figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the copwas right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop. Giving up he pulled over. the cop approached the car," give me one damn good reason why i shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen""well, he stated, " just last week my wife ran off with a cop.""so what!!!" the cop screamed. "i thought you were trying to bring her back."

Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand. The lawyer asked, “When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?”“Yes, sir, they were.”“Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?”“Yes, sir, she did.”“And,” looking at Judi, "what was it she said?”“She said, ‘What disco am I at?’”