Costume Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elephant and ant were friends. They decided to go to swimming. They went to a swimming pool but when the ant swims the elephant sits and when elephant swims the ant sits. why?

Ans: Because they have only one swimming costume.

An old man, dressed in a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat, and a phony beard, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
Curious about his attire, the bartender asked, "Going to a party, old-timer?"
"Yeah, I'm going to a costume party. I"m supposed to go dressed as my love life," explained the old man.
"But, you look like Abe Lincoln," replied the puzzled bartender.
"That's right," the old man groaned. "My last four scores were seven years ago!"

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

Once there was a nun that rode the bus every night precisely at 8:30pm. she rode the same bus with the same bus driver.And every night she would get off the bus at the same place. Well, one night there was this guy who got on the bus. He noticed this nun sitting there.He started thinking to himself,"
man that nun is really hot!"
And every night for a week he rode the same bus at the same time and he would see this nun.After a week he was really horny because of this nun. So one night after the nun got off the bus he went up to the bus driver. "
man that nun is hot. I would love to get a piece of ass from her, but I don't know how to go about doing it.She's a nun. Do you have any Ideas?"
the man said. The bus driver thought for a moment and said "
actually yes I do. That nun gets off at the same stop every night and then walks to the cemetary and visits the grave of her mother. If you dressed up and pretended to be God she would do more...

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just more...

An Irishman was in the South of France and could not understand why Pierre had attracted so many girls on the beach and he had attracted no one. So he asked Pierre, "How do you manage to attract all the girls and I attract no one?"
Pierre said, "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming costume, it drives the women wild."
So the Irishman stuffed a potato in his costume and paraded up and down the beach. After a great many hours, however, he still failed to arouse a woman.
So the Irishman went to see Pierre again and said, "I've tried it Pierre, it doesn't work!"
Pierre took one look at the Irishman and said, "You might try putting the potato in the front of your bathing suit!"

A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. "Don't let me spoil a good time for you," she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.
After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, "I wonder what my husband really does when I'm not around." She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn't recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched.
There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with more...