Coworkers Jokes

TO: All Employees FROM: Human Resources
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's more...

TO: All Employees FROM: Human Resources
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's more...

TO: All Employees FROM: Human ResourcesIt has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers.Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this? TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What more...

Here is a table of terms used by headhunters and orher people who are hiring new folks:
ENTRY-LEVEL POSITIONYou'll be making under $7 an hour.
ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANYYou'll be making under $7 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANYWe want you to get your hopes up, but there's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.
PROFIT-SHARING PLANOnce it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit.
COMPETITIVE SALARYWe remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANYWe have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADERInc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since.
IMMEDIATE OPENINGThe person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.
SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTERWe're not going to supply you with more...

New office policy announced:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas
and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
SO...........
TRY SAYING "Perhaps I can work late."
INSTEAD OF "When the fuck do you expect me to do this?"
TRY SAYING "I'm certain that is not feasible."
INSTEAD OF "No fucking way!!
TRY SAYING "Really?"
INSTEAD OF more...