Crash Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here are the best headlines of the year (yes, they are real)...1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms12. Eye Drops Off Shelf13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One23. War Dims more...

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China's best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft. The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system.After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China's Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government. Reprinted more...

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle. A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew. They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew. They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes... seen plane crash". When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!"The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!"Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!"Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you.. you know... eat their... things?" The cheif says, "NO, you idoit!"... more...

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

2. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

10. Teacher Strike Idles Kids

11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

16. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

17. War Dims Hope for Peace

18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

20. Man more...

Child Ballad 37 deals with Thomas the Rhymer. . . this piece is based upon that and, of course, interaction I observed among SCAdians

True Aubrey in Lady Christiana's Den
(or Spare Room, as the case may be: -)

1 Lord Aubrey visited a shire
And he beheld a ladie gay,
A ladie whose hospitalitie
Was knowne through mundane Thunder Bay

2 Her manor ringed around with snow
Was warm, and lit with lanterns bryht
Ant for Aubrey, who sought crash space
Looked fair to spend the nyht

3 True Aubrey he took off his hat,
And bowed him low down till his knee:
' All hail, thou Queen of Heaven's Lodging!
For its peer on earth I never did see.'

4' O no, O no, Lord Aubrey,' she says,
' This hall is not that which you name;
I offer but my humble home,
If you've come here for to visit me.

* * * * *

5 But ye maun stay wi me now, Aubrey,
Dear Sherriff, ye maun stay more...

My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck?

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms12. Eye Drops Off Shelf13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One23. War Dims Hope For Peace24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A more...