Crash Jokes / Recent Jokes
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Drunk gets nine months in violin case
Survivor of siamese twins joins parents
Farmer Bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Stud tires out
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
British left waffles on Falkland Islands
Lung cancer in women mushrooms
Eye drops off shelf
Teacher strikes idle kids
Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
Squad helps dog bite victim
Shot off woman's leg helps nicklaus to 66
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
Miners refuse to work after death
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
Stolen painting found by tree
Two soviet ships collide, one dies
2 more...
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."
Dear (IT) Technical Support:
I am desperate for some help.
I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the
new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product
brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other
system activity.
Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run
and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday
Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot
seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of
my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help.
Joe
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a more...
An airplane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a stewardess.
He held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place. The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and says, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."
The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."
The hijacker more...
THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER FROM THE PERCUSSIONIST'S PERSPECTIVE
Oh, say can you BOOM, CRASH
By the dawn's early BOOM, CRASH
What so proudly we BOOM, CRASH
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright BOOM, CRASH
Through the perilous BOOM, CRASH
O'er the ramparts we BOOM, CRASH
Were so gallantly streaming? 3 &
1... 2... 3...
2... 2... 3...
3... 2... 3...
4... 2... 3...
5... 2... 3...
6... 2... 3...
7... 2... 3...
8... 2... Oh,
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOM BOOOOOMMMM; BOOM
BOOM BOOM BOOM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
by Tad Deriso
There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.
Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be messy. Even you try to keep it clean, it is truly impossible. Whether it be empty Coke cans laying all around, soldering devices, electric diodes, computer parts, or integrated circuits, it is not only a pain for your mother to look at, but a prime Russian ICBM missile target as well.
There is much detail needed to explain a Hacker. For instance, instead of organizing his clothes by color, best ones, or style, he organizes his by pile. Also, he likes to sing songs such as, "Let's get Digital", "We all live in a yellow subroutine", and "Somewhere over the RAMbow".
Most Hackers do well in school. The reason is not to more...
Johh Major, Tony Blair and Paddy Ashdown are all killed in a plane crash.
St. Peter welcomes them to the after life and shows down this seemingly infinetely long corridor with doors down both sides. Eventually they stop at a door behind which is a stone cell with only a stone furniture. "For all the sins in your lifetime Paddy Ashdown" says St. Peter "this is your home for eternity." With that he pushes Paddy in and locks the door.
Further down the corridor is another room. Its all bare wooden furniture but there is some food on the table and access to the library. "For all your sins Tony Blair, this is your room for eternity" booms St. Peter locking the door.
Further, much further down the corridor St. Peter shows John Major into a room. Its pleasantly decorated, lots of food laid out and Cindy Crawford is there wearing hardly a thing. A smile (well the best attempt he can make) creeps over John Majors face.Then St. Peter says "Cindy more...