Cream Jokes / Recent Jokes

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going? ” He replied, “To the kitchen. ” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? ” He replied, “Sure. ” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it? ” He said, “No, I can remember that. ” She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that. ” He more...

there was man walking down a road on his way to a shop, he meets his old budy and they become friendly after sometime his buddy tells him i will give you 500 dollars if you remove your clothes walk into the shop and buy some two choclates, he agrees and strips handing over his clothes to his buddy, he goes into the shop and buys the two choclates but finds his pal gone with his clothes. after some time three ladies pass by and see him he stands still not moving at all, one of the girls go hey look at the candy machines they make these days, so the first girl puts a coin into his mouth and shkes his dic, the second lady did the same and walks with her candy the third girl also did but since the guy just bought only 2 choclates, nothing happened, so the lady tryed again and again, later her friends ask her if she got any candy, she said no, but they give a lot of face cream.

This fella goes to the doctor and says'Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?'

The doctor said' put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work.'

The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work.

The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says 'Drop your pants.'

The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on the man then says 'Doctor it's worked!! What was that?'

The doctor replies 'Lipstick remover'

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds during the course of the day.
BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice of whole wheat toast
8 oz. low fat or skim milk
LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Oreo cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
Rest of Oreos in pack
2 pints Haagen Daz ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream
DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese large sausage & cheese pizza
4 cans or 1 large pitcher beer
3 Milky Way candy bars
LATE EVENING NEWS
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.
RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't more...

A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road. He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles.
A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies: "It looks like he's topped himself."

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

This fella goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?"
The doctor said "put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work."
The bloke comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked so he tells the doctor and the doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work.
The bloke comes back and the cream still hasn't worked so the doctor says "Drop your pants."
The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put a different cream on. The man then says "Doctor it's worked! What was that?"
The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"