Creating Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A more...

> > > Answers to Life's Questions About Men
> > > =====================================
> > >
> > >
> > > What did God say after creating man?
> > > I must be able to do better than that.
> > >
> > > What did God say after creating Eve?
> > > "Practice makes perfect."
> > >
> > > How are men and parking spots alike?
> > > All the good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped
> > > or extremely small.
> > >
> > > What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
> > > They're married.
> > >
> > > Why are married women heavier than single women?
> > > Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
> > > Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
> > >
> > > What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
> > > A widow.
> > >
> > > Man says to God: "God, why did more...

When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping. And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, who would children have to look up to?"And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy. The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats." And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders. The angel nearly had more...

When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the more...

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE... He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve more...

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
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Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
____________________________________________

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
____________________________________________
How do men define a "50 / 50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
_____________________________________________
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
___________________________________________
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
_____________________________________________
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE -- He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around more...

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was, "Don't.""Don't what?" Adam asked."Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said."Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve! We got Forbidden Fruit!""No way!""Yes WAY!""Don't eat that fruit!" said God."Why?""Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked."Uh huh," Adam replied."Then why did you?""I dunno," Eve answered."She started it!" Adam said."Did Not!""DID so!""DID NOT!"Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.