Criminal Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court. Police had rounded up a collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge. Three hookers, all arrested on the same corner, stood before him. He asked the first what she had to say for herself.
The young woman was irate, "I have no idea what this is all about, your Honor. I am a college student doing research for a term paper."
Sighing, the Judge said, "Young lady, I would have thought you'd done enough 'research' by now. My computer indicates you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine." He then turned to the second woman and asked that she testify.
She began to cry and said, "Judge, I am only a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I don't understand why I was arrested."
The Judge shook his head and said, "Well, the officer tells me that he observed you handing a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' who was sitting more...

Two men who were sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led to the room where they would meet their maker.
The priest gave the last rites, the Warden made a formal speech and a final prayer had been said.
The Warden then turned to the first man and solemnly asked, "Do you have a last request, son?"
"Yes sir, I do," he replied. "I've always loved dance music. Would you please play The Macarena for me one last time?"
"Definitely," replied the Warden. He then turned to the second man and asked, "What about you, son? What is your final request?"
"Please, kill me first!" he replied.

Arizona
• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
• Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back in the days of the Wild West).
• Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• Due to a typographical error in the Tempe, Ariz., code, a shooting range can be run by the "Amateur Crapshooting Association."
• Glendale: Cars may not be driven in reverse.
• Hayden: If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.
• Hunting camels is prohibited.
• In 1985, an Arizona legislator proposed that each candidate for the legislature take a reading and an I.Q. test three months before the election. The scores would have been posted on the ballot, had the bill passed. But a majority of legislators, for whatever reason, voted it down.
• In Arizona it is illegal to take naked photographs before noon more...

A pick pocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes.
"Mr. Brewster," the Judge says, "You are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150."
Mr. Brewster's lawyer quickly stands up and says, "Your Honor, my client is a little short at this time. He has only $125 in his pocket, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd... "

A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.
The chaplain approached him and calmly asked, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"

The new prisoner looked at his cellmate and saw a very old looking man who was a long time resident at the prison. Noticing the inquiring look in the new guy's eyes, the old timer said, "Just look at me. I'm old and worn out. It's hard to believe I used to live the life of Riley."
"I lived my winters on the Riviera," he continued, "had a yacht, sports cars, the most beautiful of women and always dined in the best restaurants in France."
"What happened?" asked the new guy.
"Everything was wonderful, until that darn Riley reported his credit cards missing!" the old man explained.

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?" The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?""Ya, that vill be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?" The German replies, "Vhy, ya." The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to more...