Crisis Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

from the Netherlands Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".

Forwarded to me through a long chain of email addresses.
This came from a bookmark distributed by De Anza College.
How To Stay Stressed
Although the De Anza Health Office long been an advocate of stress
management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common complaints of
students, faculty, and staff alike. On account of this, we have come to
the following conclusion: YOU ALL WANT TO STAY STRESSED! The following
provides you with a few reasons why.
STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT. Anyone as stressed as you must be
working very hard and, therefore,
is probably doing something very
crucial.
IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL Anyone as busy as you are certainly
DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY. can't be expected to form emotional
attachments to anyone. And let's
face it, you're not much fun to be
around anyway.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES. Obviously you're too stressed to be
given any more work. This gets more...

A new dean had just arrived at Modern University and thought she might well profit from a discussion with her predecessor who had recently resigned. During a lunncheon meeting she asked the former dean how he had managed crises. His response was to give her three envelopes with the instruction to open #1 with the first crisis, #2 with the second crisis, and #3 with the third crisis. She accepted the envelopes and the rest of the luncheon was spent on pleasantries.
Things went extremely well for her during the first six months. However, she then discovered a major problem in the budget: the year was only half over and it was clear that she was going to overspend her budget by 10%. The ruckus she caused by pulling funds back from departments, failing to keep commitments, etc., was such that she was facing her first major crisis. She opened envelope #1 to find that it stated "Blame the prior dean for poor planning." This she did, and the crisis was muted.
The next year more...