Daytime Jokes

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?"
"Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television."
"That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime."
"What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?"

"Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television."

"That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime."

"What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."

A lawyer was appearing for the prosecution in a murder case where the accused's wife, a prostitute, was giving evidence of alibi to the effect that her husband was with her in her house at the time of the murder. Their home was some distance from the brothel where the lady carried on her business and where the murder had taken place at night - the usual working hour in her profession.
He proceeded to cross-examine her:' How is it that you were not at your place of business that night?'
'I practise my profession during the daytime,' she replied somewhat tartly.
'How can that be? Don't your patrons seek you at hours usual in the profession?'
'Oh, no, sir, she replied coquettishly.' Only goondas, badmashes and other lowly types visit brothels at night. Respectable gentlemen like yourself come in the daytime.'