Degree Jokes / Recent Jokes

All In A Days Work
Three bubbes were sitting around and bragging about their children.
Freda says, "Benny graduated with a first class honours degree from Oxford and he`s now a doctor making £250,000 a year in Harley Street."
Kitty says, "Sidney graduated with a first class honours degree from Cambridge and he`s now a lawyer making half a million pounds a year and he lives in the City."
Ethel says, "Abe never did well in school, never went to university but he now makes one million pounds a year working as a sports repairman."
The other two women ask, "So what`s a sports repairman?"
Ethel replies, "He fixes football matches, rugby matches, cricket matches....."

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in
the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here! ” and hung up. The husband said, “Who was that? ” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear. ”
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar. ” The second blonde says, Here, let me see! ” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me! ”
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really more...

The grad with a Science degree asks,' 'Why does it work?''
The grad with an Engineering degree asks,' 'How does it work?''
The grad with an Accounting degree asks,' 'How much will it cost?''
The grad with a Liberal Arts degree asks,' 'Do you want fries with that?''

After her husband's death, the elderly lady decided to go back to school and get a degree in mathematics.
A few weeks into the term, she storms into the dean's office, exclaiming: "I've been silent until now - but I'm not going to take these obscenities anymore!"
"What obscenities are you talking about?"
She reaches into her purse and pulls out a notebook. "I noted of all of them. In my presence, professors had the complete lack of decency to speak of" - she leafs through her notebook - "Bruhat-Tits spaces, a pumping lemma, and even degenerate colonels!"

This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is the express degree you told me about? ”
“It’s $50, 000, ” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer? ”
“That’s my business! Get me the course! ”
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, “Please, before it’s too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you died? ” In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, “One less lawyer. . . ”

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?" What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask? "Do you want fries with that?"