Delete Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately! Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone's autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some)to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair more...

John Bobbit Virus-
Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
•Oprah Winfrey Virus-
Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
•Politically Correct Virus-
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
•Right to Life Virus-
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
•Government Economist Virus-
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
•Federal Bureaucrat Virus-
Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
•AT&T Virus-
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are more...

If you receive an email entitled "Crazy Times" delete it immediately. Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
1) It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
2) It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
3) It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
4) It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
5) It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
6) This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
7) It will drink all your beer.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
9) Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your more...

John Bobbit Virus-Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)
Oprah Winfrey Virus-Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB.
Politically Correct Virus-Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Right to Life Virus-Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
Government Economist Virus-Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus-Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
AT&T Virus-Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are more...

If you receive an email entitled "Bad times," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, ARE YOU LISTENING?!!!!!

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a more...

John Bobbit Virus--Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)•Oprah Winfrey Virus--Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB. •Politically Correct Virus--Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism". •Right to Life Virus--Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. •Government Economist Virus--Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. •Federal Bureaucrat Virus--Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. •AT&T Virus--Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. •MCI Virus-- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are more...

Ebonics Version of Windows ‘98 Debuts!
Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, titled “It be a fresh Window. ” It has been leaked to several suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version.
When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar windows chime is replaced With a “phat getto track that melts ‘em down wit dope-ass bass, ” The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall - along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with “Dis My Shit. ”
The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced With “Da Hood. ”
Users have their choice of two animated screen savers: “Marquee, ” a lil’ G spray- painting dirty words that move across the screen; or more...