Demons Jokes / Recent Jokes

A writer died and St. Peter offered him the option of going to hell or to heaven. To help decide, he asked for a tour of each destination. St. Peter agreed and decided to take him to hell first. As he descended into the fiery pits, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes by demons. "Oh, my," the writer said, "let me see heaven."
A few moments later, as they ascended into heaven, the writer saw row upon row of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes by demons.
"Hey," the writer said, "this is just as bad as hell."
"Oh, no it's not," St Peter replied, "here your work gets published!"

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: ''How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?''
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
A: A spoiled bat.
Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
A: ''You're under a vest!''
Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A: He had to give it back.
Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
Q: Which more...

Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
A: A witch in reverse.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month!

Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...

Q: Where do ghosts take their dirty coats?
A: To a dry-screamers.
Q: What did the phantom on guard duty outside the haunted castle say when he heard a noise?
A:' Halt! Who ghosts there?'
Q: Why was the shy ghost frightened of going to the opticians' party?
A: Because he thought he might make a spooktacle of himself.
It was a graveyard romance. Boy meets ghoul.
Q: What music do ghosts like?
A: Haunting melodies.
Q: How did the two ghosts fall in love?
A: It was love at first fright.
Q: On what day do ghosts play tricks on each other?
A: April Ghoul's Day.
Q: Where can you catch a ghost train?
A: At a mainfestation.
Q: Why did the female ghoul like demons?
A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Q: What do you call a female ghost who serves drinks and food on a' plane?
A: An air ghostess.
Some years ago I tried to become a ghost writer. But I couldn't find any ghosts who wanted me to more...