Denied Jokes / Recent Jokes

1991 -- A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on work-release for a previous (drunk driving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a six-pack of beer was merely incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.

1992 -- Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S. D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."

1993 -- Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunken-driving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James more...

Access Denied
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
No Carrier
Customer: "Hello? I'm trying to dial in. I installed the software okay, and it dialed fine. I could hear that. Then I could hear the two computers connecting. But then the sound all stopped, so I picked up the phone to see if they were still connected, and I got the message, 'No Carrier,' on my screen. What's wrong?"

A patient in a mental hosptial was being reviewed to determine whether he was ready to be released.
When asked what he would do if he was released, he answered, "I'm going to make a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in the joint."
Needless to say, his release was denied.
A few months later, the board was again considering his release and again they asked him the same question. His reply was the same as the previous time: "I'm going to make a slingshot, come back here and break every damn window in the joint."
Again, his release was denied.
Some months later, he was talking with a fellow patient and complaining that he could never seem to get released. The patient asked him what he said when they interviewed him, and he told him. "You'll never get released with answers like that," the fellow patient said. "What you have to do is tell them what they want to hear. Let me give you some advice on how to answer them more...

Warning to ALL women:
Husband: (Returning late form work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged
in."
Wife: Have you brought the ring?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I told you in the morn...
Husband: Erroneous syntax.
Wife: What about my new blouse?
Husband: Variable not found. ..
Wife: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied. ..
Wife: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just
being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters. Abort!...
Wife: It was a grave mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are a useless nut.
Husband: Default Parameter.
Wife: What about your Salary?
Husband: Access denied. File in use...
Wife: Who was in the car this morning?
Husband: System unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.