Desert Jokes / Recent Jokes

A nun and a priest were crossing the desert on a camel when suddenly it dropped dead.
"We're sure to perish here," the priest said "so I have a request of you sister..I have never seen a naked woman in all my life..Would you oblige me now that our end is near?"
With this the nun nodded yes, and disrobed..
The priest stared in amazement..So the sister says to the priest,
"I have never seen a naked man in all my life ..would you oblige me now that the end is near?"
"Yes sister," he said and took off his clothes.
The sister looking him up and down remarked on the size of his penis and asked if she could hold it in her hand..and as she did he got a huge erection..
"You know sister, if I put this in a special place I can create life."
"Well," said the nun, "if that is so...then stick it in the camel and lets get out of here!"

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the
desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one
little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout
Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent
dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, you can be sure someone is bound to come up
behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top more...

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit….
Man: “Hi! Am I ever happy to see you. ”
Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette? ”
Man: “It’s been ten years! ” With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.
Man: “Oh thank you so much! ”
Girl: “So tell me how long its been since you had a drink? ”
Man: “It’s been ten years” The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: “Oh… thank you so much. You are like a miracle! ”
Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] “So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around? ”
Man: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too?! ”

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand".
"OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert", the camel mother answers.
"Thanks Mom" replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and more...

16 Ways of Knowing You’re in the Desert
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7: 30 a. m. before work.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, more...

A ship wrecks somewhere in the Pacific Ocean and the lone survior is washed up on a desert island. After surveying his surroundings he determines that the only other signs of life are one pig and one dog.
The man learns to live off of the island. He has fresh water from a spring and fruits grow abundantly. However, as the months go on, his sexual urges become stronger and stronger. Finally, in complete sexual hysteria, he grabs the pig and has his way with it. For some reason, however, the dog jumps up and bites him in the ass.
Weeks go by, and every day the man screws the pig and the dog bites him in the ass. One day, a beautiful young woman washes up on the shore. The man performs CPR and brings her back to life. She is so happy she says, "Thank you so much! I will give you anything you want!"
"Anything?" the man says.
"Anything." the woman replies.
"OK," he says, "will you hold the dog?"

A priest and a nun were riding a camel through the desert and the camel passed out and died. Since the priest and the nun had no way to travel they knew they were going to die. The priest asked the nun, "Since we are going to die anyway is there anything I can do for you?"
The nun replied, "Well... I've never seen a naked man before." The priest being the kind man that he was took all of his clothes off.
Pointing at the priest's dick, the nun asked, "What is that?"
The priest said,"It is my sternum."
"What does it do?" Asked the nun.
"It brings forth life." said the priest.
Then the nun said, " Well stick that on up in the camel and let's get outta here!"