Deserve Jokes / Recent Jokes
Kids! Too busy to sit down and write an old-fashioned letter to
Santa? Have no fear! This handy-dandy interweb doo-dad can do
the heavy lifting for you!
Dear...... [Santa Claus] [Saint Nicolas] [Father Christmas]
[Pagan Troll] [Obese Trespassing Altruist] [Satan Claus - Devourer
of Children's Souls],
This year, I have been a very...... [good] [bad] [materialistic]
[passive aggressive] [manipulative] [Ritalin-addled] little......
[boy] [girl] [TV watcher] [advertising tampon]. I have......
[not] [sometimes] [compulsively]. ..... [lied] [cheated]
[embezzled] [pillaged] [murdered], and I have...... [always]
[often] [rarely] [never] helped my...... [mommy] [daddy] [grandma]
[grandpa] [brother] [sister] [mommy's "special friend"] [other
daddy] with their...... [chores] [homework] [taxes] [pyramid
schemes] [colostomy bag]. And I always say thank you, which makes
me...... [nice] [polite] [seem like I more...
Mission Statement
1. TO LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES.(Ha !)
2. TO ALWAYS WORK TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. (( Hey I'm being serious here!))
3. IN THE EVENT OF POINT 2. NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH HAVE THE CAPACITY TO SAY ‘ F### IT!
4. NEVER P##S OFF ANYONE WITH A HORMONAL IMBALANCE (I.E. Anyone on H.R.T., Men suffering from man-flu, big blokes on steroids, women.){{This point was added as a direct result of point 1.}}
5. NEVER FLY ON A PLANE WHERE THE PILOT IS ANY OF THE ABOVE.
6. TO HAVE THE CAPACITY TO SAY SORRY ( In the unlikely event that I'm wrong!!. If not say it anyway to any persons identified in point4.
7. NEVER.NEVER .NEVER. GO TO BED ON A ARGUMENT…..(Stay up and drink Jack Daniels instead!)
8. TREAT OTHERS AS THEY DESERVE TO BE TREATED(( Unless -of course- what they deserve is a good kick in the b#####ks))
9. UNDERSTAND THAT OTHERS DO NOT ALL SHARE YOUR VISION! (Especially when it comes to driving!!!)
10. Remember ‘ I AM GARY' (unless ive more...
Barbie's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it).
So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL more...