Desktop Jokes / Recent Jokes

11th-hour tweaks for Windows' 98 by Microsoft10. Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up screen. 9. New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in ". gov," a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly. 8. Source code no longer ones and zeros--try 666s and zeros. Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, Here's to my sweet Satan." 7. Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your long distance carrier to AT&T. 6. New desktop icon--click once, and $1 will go directly from your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund. 5. Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: "Letter to the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products." 4. Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed to say, "Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me." 3. TV more...

Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up screen. New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in ". gov," a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly. Source code no longer ones and zeros - try 666s and zeros. Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, "Here's to my sweet Satan." Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your long distance carrier to AT&T. New desktop icon - click once, and $1 will go directly from your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund. Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: "Letter to the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products." Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed to say, "Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me." TV function scrambles C-Span during antitrust hearings. Desktop more...

Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM’s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway. After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva” desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe. ”A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as “hibernate. ” Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked. Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5. 25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3. 5-inch disk drive on her computer.
The technician said more...

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM's help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a laptop computer asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." Would this hibernate device work in the spring and summer, the caller asked.

Another caller explained she had received a gift of software on 5. 25-inch diskettes, but she had only a 3. 5-inch disk drive more...

X-files virus:
All your Icons start shape shifting
Spice Girl virus:
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop
Ronald Reagan virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus:
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them
Sonny Bono virus:
Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of no where
Martha Stewart virus:
Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop
AT&T virus:
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting
MCI virus:
Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back