Detective Jokes / Recent Jokes

A detective is mentoring a blonde rookie officer and decides to give her a challenge. So he gives her a mugshot of a suspect turned to one side and tells her to see if she can give details about the suspect just by looking at the picture. The blonde looks at the picture and immediately says, "
He wears contacts."
Confused, the detective looks at the mugshot and since he can't tell that the suspect wears contacts, he tells the blonde, "
Look, don't give me dumb guesses, this is serious."
The blonde says,"
I'm not guessing. I know this guy wears contacts."
Losing his patience, the detective says, "
Look, quit playing around or I'll have to report you."
But the blonde firmly insists, "
I'm telling you, he wears contacts."
Frustrated, the detective decides to prove her wrong by asking the officers for details about the suspect. A few minutes later he comes back looking both shocked and amazed. He more...

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun." answered the other detective.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" asked the first detective.
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of
his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video
of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down
together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional,
the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them
laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor
cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and
his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the
screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much
fun!"

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of
his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video
of his wife's activities.A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down
together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional,
the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them
laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor
cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and
his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee."I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the
screen!"The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much
fun!"

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get.Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, hewatches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and the man are sharing obvious utter glee."Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing! I just can't believe it.""What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I have all the times and dates in my log.""I know, I know!" more...

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?""No, I am an undercover detective.""So why are you in uniform?""Today is my day off."