Different Jokes / Recent Jokes

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Tell me! !
Tell me, is it going in?? yeah... is it hurting??
ooh yeah... ouch it's hurting!!!
ok i'll put it in slowly..
still hurting???
yeah.. then let's try the other shoe madam!!!!!!!!
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Baby doll! !!
A man called his 4th wife-Baby doll.
3rd wife-china doll.
2nd wife-barbie doll &
1st wife.......
Guess what??????
"PANADOL"!!!!!!!
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GOD ASKED!!!!!
God asked a civil engineer, what mistake did i make in designing a woman????
engineer says, Sir the entertainment area is very
close to the DRAINAGE!!!
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Different Voices!!!!!
Different types of voices during SEX.
ENGLISH: oh yes oh yess!
AMERICAN: yeah baby, yeah!
SRI more...

After his death, the family court judge found herself with the devil in a room filled with clocks. Each clock turned at a different speed and was labeled with the name of a different occupation. After examining all the clocks, the judge turned to the devil and said, "I have two questions. First, why does each clock move at a different speed?"

"They turn at the rate at which the members of that occupation collectively sin on earth," replied the devil.

"What's your second question?"

"Well," said the judge. "I can't seem to find my occupation. Where is the' family court judges' clock?"

The devil momentarily looked confused, and he started checking the clocks. "They should all be here," he muttered, looking frantically, "It has to be here somewhere... Oh, there will be Hell to pay for this."

Suddenly, the devil relaxed, slapped himself on the forehead, and more...

There was a farmer who was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. He kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now this took an awful lot of time. So when the farmer saw a set of 8 tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly bought them.
He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken. He hung a bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep. Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the different tones of the bells and marking down each encounter.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Brewster. Brewster was a fine specimen, but his bell didn't ring all morning. He went to investigate.
Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. Brewster had his bell more...

My uncle was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. My uncle kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now this took an awful lot of time. So when my uncle saw a set of eight tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly bought them.
He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken. He hung a bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep. Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the different tones of the bells and marking down each encounter.
My uncle's favorite rooster was old Brewster. Brewster was a fine specimen, but his bell didn't ring all morning. Uncle went to investigate.
Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. Brewster had more...

If men ruled the world would be different
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to 'I love you.'
- Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.
- Birth control could come in ale or lager.
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss.
- 'Sorry I'm late, I got hammered last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
- It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the 'public ugliness' ordinance.
- Tanks would be far easier to rent.
- Instead of beer belly, you'd get 'beer biceps'.
- Instead of an expensive more...

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys... all on different limbs,... at different levels,... some climbing up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full ofsmiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing butassholes.

A blonde has just inherited a Ranch but only had two horses. The problem was she couldn't tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help. He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other. She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back. So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck. She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor. So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses. She does and comes back a week later with cookies.
She tells the neighbor rancher, "Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly. I painted a red spot on the black horse and a blue spot on the white horse."