Dish Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city fordinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the disharrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained."Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied."The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist."They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained thewaiter. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious. Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finishedthe meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Todays cojones are muchsaltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday.""True, senor," agreed the waiter. "You see the bull, he does not always lose."

Wife: Doctor My husband thinks he's a satellite dish.
Doctor: Don't worry I can cure him.
Wife: I don't want him cured I want you to adjust him to get the movie channel.

A man came into a restaurant and looked for a place to sit down, when he noticed
an old man sitting in front of a dish of soup. But the old man was not eating
it.
"What a pity," thought the biker. "This man is not eating his soup, but I am
hungry. Eating his soup will be a good idea and I won't have to pay for it."
He sat at the old man's table, arrogantly just took his soup and started eating
it. The old man did not react. When he was almost finished, he found a hairy
comb at the bottom of the dish. He immediately vomited the soup back into the
dish.
"That's strange," said the old man. "That's just as far as I got."

A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer. The dish is spaghetti with these two huge meat balls. When the waiter comes to his table, he inquires. "That is the " replies the waiter. "Spaghetti and Bull testicles. We get them after the bull fight. It is exquisite!" "That's what I'll have!", says the businessman. "I'm very sorry senor, but that dish is only available once per day". Disappointed, the man orders another dish and plans to try again the next day. So again, the next day he goes to the bull fights, and afterwards stops into the dive. Just as the waiter is coming to his table, he sees another waiter bringing the "" to another customer who was there before him. "Damn!" he says to himself. more...

Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994

1. Introduction

The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.

2. Food

In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.

a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...

A couple go to Mexico City for vacation and go to a famous local restaurant. They ask the waiter's opinion about what to order, and he tells them they have a special each Sunday that's wonderful, so the couple orders that. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping; it smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple are delighted with their meal and ask the waiter just what the fabulous meat dish was. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate. The couple are a bit taken aback by what they had just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns back in Mexico City and decide to go to the same same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time more...

arab coffee:
Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in
tiny cups at gunpoint.
calorie:
Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by
the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a
particular food.
microwave oven:
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle
of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within
the cooking compartment.
oven:
Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of
meat and poultry.
porridge:
Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since
children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an
amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
preheat:
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before
cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is
put in, as well as when it is removed.
recipe:
A series of step-by-step more...