Disorder Jokes / Recent Jokes
Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD)As the incidence and prevalence of Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) has been increasing exponentially, a support group. The Internet Addiction Support Group (IASG) has been established. Below are the official criteria for the diagnosis of IAD and subscription information for the IASG.A maladaptive pattern of Internet use, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress as manifested by three (or more) of the following, occurring at any time in the same 12-month period: Diagnostic Criteria(I) tolerance, as defined by either of the following: A. A need for markedly increased amounts of time on Internet to achieve satisfaction (B) markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of time on Internet(II) withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following A. the characteristic withdrawal syndrome (1) Cessation of (or reduction) in Internet use that has been heavy and prolonged. (2) Two (or more) of the following, developing within more...
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden more...
Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
Narcissistic - Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic - Deck The Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and
towns and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me
Borderline Personality - Thoughts Of Roasting On An Open Fire
Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..............
* I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from last night.
* My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.
* I have a bit of a problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.
* I can't come to work today because the city is paving my street and I can't get out.
* I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.
* Can't come in today, the springs on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.
* Sorry Boss I can't come into work today... my spirit guide says work is for losers!
* There has been an urgent family emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.
* I can't come into work today because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.
* I can't more...
AFROPHOBIA
Fear of the return of the 70's hair styles (or the Jackson Five).
PSEUDONYMHOMANIA
Compulsive desire to have a lot of sex under an assumed name.
DEJA FLU
The feeling that one has had this cold before.
HYPOCOINDRIA
Fear of not having correct change.
HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX
Rash caused by wearing a toupee in a pool.
HERPES CINEPLEX
Rash caused by movie tickets priced at $9. 50.
CELESTIAL SEASONINGS AFFECTIVE DISORDER
Herbal-tea addiction.
VISACARDITIS
The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your
credit limit.
ALPOPLEXY
Canine feeding disorder.
STREISAND-BROLIN SYNDROME
Excessive displays of affection.
SONSTROKE
An attack during the reading of a will
ROSWELL-BABY SYNDROME
Irrational fear that one's infant might be an alien.
POST-DRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER
Formerly David Caruso/Shelley Long Syndrome.
RUMBATOID ARTHRITIS
Joint more...
Schizophrenia --
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder --
We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Dementia --
I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic --
Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me
Manic --
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and trees and
Fire Hydrants and.....
Paranoid --
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder --
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder --
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll
Tell You Why
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.
- Mariah Carey, pop singer "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents The police are not here to create more...