Disorder Jokes / Recent Jokes

* 1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia - I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and…..
* 6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna
Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy -
can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder –Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, more...

This guy goes to see his doctor. "Doc," he says, "I've got a problem, every minute of every day I've got that old song, Delilah, running through my head. I catch myself humming it and sometimes singing it in public places. My wife says I even sing it in my sleep, it's driving her nuts. What is the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."
"Is it a rare disorder?" the guy asks.
The doctor answers, "It's not unusual.."

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth. Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost
499. Q: And where is more...

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things that people actually said in court, word for word.Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan.Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Q: Sir, what is your IQ? more...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. __________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. __________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ________________________________________________ Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _____________________________________ Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. more...

This guy goes to see his doctor. "Doc," he says, "I've got a problem, every minute of every day I've got that old song, Delilah, running through my head. I catch myself humming it and sometimes singing it in public places. My wife says I even sing it in my sleep, it's driving her nuts. What is the matter with me?"

The doctor replies, "Sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me."

"Is it a rare disorder?" the guy asks.

The doctor answers, "It's not unusual.."

One day a man comes home from work to find everything in total disorder. The children were still in their pajamas, playing outside in the mud and muck. Empty food boxes and wrappers were strewn everywhere.
As he entered the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dirty dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a small pile of sand by the back door and broken glass under the table.
Passing the family room, he noticed a lamp had been knocked over and there were toys and clothing thrown everywhere.
Concerned that his wife may be ill or something may have happened to her, he headed up the stairs to look for her, carefully stepping over toys along the way.
He reached the bedroom and found his wife lounging in bed with her pajamas on, reading a book.
She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. Bewildered, he asked, "What happened here today?"
Smiling, she replied, "You know when you come home from work everyday and ask me what I more...