Donald Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Donald!
Donald who?
Donald come baby, cradle and all...!

Heard on Global Village Network News on the Nickelodeon cable TV Channel:
Donald Trump reports that he actually has a dime for every time he's been
called a ruthless bloodsucking bastard.

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of theScottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there. REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN: Certainly... REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep. ...

(Forwarded by an English buddy who lives in Scotland)
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whiskey).
"How do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

Donald Duck walked into a drugstore & asked for a packet of condoms." Certainly, sir" said the lady behind the counter, "shall I put them on your bill?" "NO WAY!" replied Donald Duck, "What do you think I am, a Dickhead?!"

Patient: "Doctor, you've got to help me, some mornings I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, other mornings I think I'm Mickey Mouse."
Doctor: "Hmmmmmmm, and how long have you been having these disney spells?"

From the March 1990 Playboy interview with Donald Trump: Playboy: How is your marriage? Trump: Just fine. Ivana is a very kind and good woman. I also think she has the instincts and drive of a good manager. She`s focused and she`s a perfectionist. Playboy: And as a wife, not a manager? Trump: I never comment on romance.... She`s a great mother, a good woman who does a good job. Playboy: What is marriage to you? Is it monogamous? Trump: I don`t have to answer that. I never speak about my wife--which is one of the advantages of not being a politician. My marriage is and should be a personal thing.