Donuts Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, officer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
2) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3) When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4) If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer doesn't go that high.
5) Touch him.
6) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
7) Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
8) Refer to him by his first name.
9) Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
10) When he says no, cry.
11) If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
12) If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
13) If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
14) When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
15) When he puts handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first."
16) Ask to be fingerprinted with more...

Day old, Daaay old
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day old
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Work all day in the donut shop.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Some are filled with jelly, Some are glazed on top.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Come Mr. Policeman, buy my aging pastry.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
They are cheap, but they’re not very tasty.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Half dozen, whole dozen, buy a whole bunch,
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Put ‘em down at breakfast, Bring ‘em up at lunch.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

Once there was a donut,
Boy was it humongous.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.
Took a bite and found it full of fungus.
Day old donuts for one ninety-nine.

63 Ways To Piss Off A Cop
1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol? ”
2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to……
5. Ask if you can see his gun.
6. When he says you aren’t allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
7. Touch him.
8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
10. Refer to him by his first name.
11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
12. When he says no, cry.
13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
16. When he asks you to more...

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Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems", Linda told her friend. "That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist", said Linda. "Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!", responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"
Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again. "So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?", Mary asked. "Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his more...