Downs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse downs a shot of Jack Daniel’s, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese. ”
The second mouse orders up two shots of Bombay Sapphire, downs them both, slams each glass into the bar.
Turns to the first mouse, and replies: “Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.
“The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for this bullshit. more...

A lady walks into a bar and says,
"Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni."
So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says, "Would you like another?"
She says, "Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."
The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your boob's in the ash tray."

A bloke goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five pots. The barman gives him an odd look since the bloke's all by himself, but he serves up the five pots and lines them up on the bar.

The bloke downs them....One, Two, Three, Four, Five. He finishes the last one and calls to the barman, "Four pots, please, mate!"

The barman serves up four pots and lines them on the bar. The bloke downs them....One, Two, Three, Four. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders three more pots. And one after the other, he knocks them back....One, Two, Three.

"Two potsh, mate!" he calls, and the barman places two pots in front of him. Down they go....One, Two. As the bloke slams the last one down on the bar, he says, "One pot, mate." So the barman fills the glass.

The bloke sits there, staring at it for a moment, trying to focus. Then he looks at the barman and says, "Y'know, it'sh a funny more...

Marriage for women has its ups and downs. How?
The toilet seat is up and the hubby's sex interest is down.

Marriage for women has its ups and downs. How? The toilet seat is up and the hubby's sex interest is down.

A lady walks into a bar and says," Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni." So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says," Would you like another?" She says," Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."
The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your boob's in the ash tray."

Three mice are sitting at a bar late at night in a pretty rough neighborhood trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse downs a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of bourbon, downs them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first and second mice turn to the third mouse. He lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat.