Dracula Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner! So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family." "Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children." "Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on more...
If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear, don't stop and think of what other words have' under' in them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness.
Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
I bet for an Indian, shooting a old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground more...
Count Dracula walks into a local bar and says" Bartender, may I have a glass of water please?" The bartender, being very curious, gives the count a glass of water and asks the count, "What do you need with a glass of water? " The Count whips out a Blood covered, well used Tampon from under his coat and proceeds to drop it in the Glass of water...then he looks up at the Bartender and says..." I Thought I would make me a glass of Ice Tea this time...!!!"
Three Draculas enter a Bar.
First Dracula: Can I have a Scotch and Blood Please?
Bartender: Ok
Second Dracula: I'll Have Vodka and Blood thanks! !
Bartender: Ok
Third Dracula: I'll Have half a glass of Hot Water
This remark astonishes the other two draculas as well as the
bartender.
First Dracula: You Sissy! !! Can you have a proper drink? ??
Second Dracula: God You are a baby, Grow up
Third Dracula: Haven't you guys heard of Tampoon Teabags! !
Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? Hes looking for a crypt writer.
We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and relaxation. "What better place than Rome," thought Count Dracula, and he immediately packed his bags and set off for a week's visit. He caught the first plane out of Transylvania and headed for the Eternal City.
Tired and hungry after his long journey, he called room service as soon as he had arrived at his hotel room. Since nothing on the room service menu seemed appealing, he simply ordered a sandwich. Dracula quickly grabbed the waiter who delivered the sandwich, bit him hungrily on the neck, drank his blood completely, and tossed him out the window, where the bloodless waiter fell ten stories to land at the feet of an itinerant street singer.
The Count's hunger was great, however, and he decided he needed room service again. He ordered another sandwich and when it arrived, he immediately grabbed the room-service waiter, bit his neck, drank all his blood and tossed him out the window. The waiter more...